please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
