She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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