does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize