While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize