My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Boobs speak an international language.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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