I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The air was thick with penises
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
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