i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
