She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
