So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
