i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
