Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
ok first of all what the fuck
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
