What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I take back everything I said about communal showers
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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