....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Someone signed my nipple.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
