bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
