I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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