The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
