Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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