The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I understand Curling. That high.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize