tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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