Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize