theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
