We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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