Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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