Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
