In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
