I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
