seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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