It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
