i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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