so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
