How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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