garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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