Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
