Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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