he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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