I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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