my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
