Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
