I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
