need another drink. this is the easiest way
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
