I'm going to jail i love you
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
