Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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