She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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