Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
