p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
