Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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