Im at strip club and am horny
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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