Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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