Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
