I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
they need to just BURY HIM!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
