woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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