erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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