Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
