did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
