you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
