AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
