You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
