youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
