He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
