you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
