I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So vagazzling was a success
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
