also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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