sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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