The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
