You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
