Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
