hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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