I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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