whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
