I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
