It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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