the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
