he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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