I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize