Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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